The Real Reasons Microsoft Wants to Buy Yahoo

If you're having trouble taking Microsoft's $44.6 billion Yahoo bid seriously, so am I. Maybe that's because Microsoft's reasoning isn't so serious, or rational.

Here are 10 other reasons for Microsoft's hostile takeover of Yahoo. Please add your own to the list in this post's comments section.

10. Microsoft executives finally find a way to hire Yahoo co-founder Jerry Yang.

9. Ray Ozzie, Microsoft's chief software architect, is tired of people adding up software plus services and getting Googol Google as the answer.

8. With the U.S. economy sagging, Microsoft executives want to get closer to their customers, by joining them in debt (the company will have to borrow to buy Yahoo).

7. Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer jumped up and down in his office yelling "Yahoo!" as Google's stock price dropped last week. Eavesdropping senior executives misunderstood.

6. It's geek humor. Somebody thought the bid would be a good practical joke on shareholders. "Ha. Ha. $44.6 billion. Ridiculous." Now the joke's on them—and it's not funny.

5. Ballmer wants to retire; it's one way to be offered a severance package.

4. Microsoft has long planned to open up a big Silicon Valley campus, but real estate costs too much. On closer examination, Microsoft could buy Yahoo for less than new property; it's like buying prime Sunnyvale, Calif., real estate already furnished—and Yahoo is free!

3. Ballmer really wanted to buy Google, but he has gotten used to settling for second best.

2. Top Microsoft managers want to give Chairman Bill Gates something really special for his retirement. After all, what do you buy for the world's second-richest person? Uh-oh. He's not smiling. Did they keep the receipt?

1. It's a typo. Microsoft execs thought they were bidding on Yoo-Hoo, to stock employees' free drink fridges. Now they can't back away without losing face.